Asking someone if they are thinking of suicide does not put the idea in their head
It is one of the most common fears. The research says the opposite: asking directly often brings relief.
If you are worried about a friend, a brother or sister, a colleague or your own child, the question on your mind is often the one you are most scared to say out loud. "Are you thinking of killing yourself?"
Many people hold back because they fear the question will plant the idea, or push the person towards it. Researchers have looked at this carefully. A review of studies involving thousands of people, including teenagers and people already at high risk, found no evidence that asking about suicide increases suicidal thoughts. In some of the studies, people who were asked felt less distressed afterwards.
That makes sense when you listen to people who have been through it. What they describe is being completely alone with a thought they could not say. Being asked plainly, by someone who seems able to hear the answer, can be the first time that loneliness breaks.
How to ask - Find a quiet, private moment, and put your phone away. - Say what you have noticed: "You haven't seemed yourself for a while. I'm worried about you." - Ask directly: "Sometimes when people feel this low they think about suicide. Are you having thoughts like that?" A vague question gets a vague answer. - If they say yes, stay calm. Listen more than you talk, and thank them for telling you. - Don't promise to keep it a secret. Help them reach help, and stay with them if they are in danger right now. - Quietly remove easy access to pesticides, stored medicines or anything else they could use.
Tele-MANAS, the government's free 24-hour mental health helpline: 14416 or 1-800-891-4416. In an emergency, call 112 or go to the nearest hospital.
Where this comes from - Dazzi T et al. Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? What is the evidence? Psychological Medicine, 2014.
Keep reading with a free account.
The full library is for Atulyam members. Sign up in a minute, or log in if you already have an account.
